So, I have been faltering big time on my Weight Watchers routine and today I had quite a reality check at my weigh in. I'm just 1.5 lbs. away from being 200 lbs.! This is getting ridiculous! I need to refocus and stay on track for more than 3 days. I can't afford (financially or mentally) to let myself go.
I'm thankful for friends that can pull me back together when I lose it in the Weight Watchers lobby and that can help me out when I feel like I just can't do it any more. Today has been decent as far as my eating goes and I've been making better choices. I even drank some water today (been at least a few days since I've done that!) I just wish it was easy (as I'm sure EVERYONE trying to lose weight does).
I'm trying to figure out what was working before when I lost all the weight, but I haven't quite nailed it down yet. I know that I NEED to drink more water DAILY and not just once in a while. I know that I need to move more. I know that I need to bring my lunch to work at the store and not just eat whatever the boss man buys for that day. I can't let myself give up so easily.
As a mom, I find that my children can be a great motivator to get healthy, but as a catch 22, they can also be the reason I'm too stressed & busy to take care of me. My leader asked me today what was making life so busy. When I tried to come up with an answer I was kind of at a loss. Why does my life seem so busy and yet I do nothing all day (or at least feel like I've done nothing)? Being busy is an excuse that I know people will accept because everyone is so busy these days. I think that I'm really only busy on the weekends when I'm working long days. This means Daddy is in charge which means happy kids, but a messy house. This depresses me and sucks the life right out of me. I'm one of those people whose mental state is GREATLY effected by the state of their house. Messy house, messy brain.
When the house gets messy or even overly cluttered I find myself feeling claustrophobic and resentful. This stirs up all kinds of other things I'm resentful towards. In turn, I become stressed, and when I'm stressed I eat. I don't just eat a chocolate bar and feel better either. I'm a binge eater. I can EASILY eat an entire 9" double layer cake in a sitting! Or, if in the wrong mood, an entire jar of peanut butter. I wish this wasn't part of who I am and I wish I could better control it, but 30 years of a habit is hard to break.
I think that blogging has helped me a bit if only in allowing me to get stuff out of my head and free up my mind to focus on the other millions of things I need to focus on.
Anyone else get really annoyed about having to make EVERY decision for EVERY person in your family? We don't have Mommy brain, we simply have NO MORE ROOM TO FIT ANYTHING ELSE IN OUR BRAIN!!! Some days I feel like my brain is going to just pack its bags and leave. Other days, I feel like it already has LOL.
Jake's nap is over now so it's back to reality for this Mom. Until next time...
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